In The Moonlight
by Hikaru a
Summary: Misao's POV on the events after Aoshi's return from Shishio's fortress.


In the Moonlight  
By Hikaru

Summary:  
After Aoshi's return from Shishio's fortress.

_If you want to, I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside, so busy out there  
And all you wanted was somebody who cares_

- Michelle Branch  
_"All You Wanted"_

People always say how nostalgic the moon is at night. The full moon surrounded by the darkened clouds, along with the soft breeze that blows through your soul. Evening is supposed to calm you, to silence the angered voice within you that builds up during the day. Romantic, exotic, and whatever else writers say about the night.

From where I was standing, all of it was complete horseshit. I had never seen a night so full of panic and shouting in my entire life. As soon as Sanosuke and Aoshi-sama had returned carrying Himura, the air filled with an overall sense of uncertainty. No one knew if Himura would make it out alive. No matter how many times we called to him, he would not wake up. Poor Kaoru-san... she was crying so hard. None of my condolences helped, and she was in no state to help treat Himura, so she just sat out there, in the hallway with me. Yahiko and Rooster-head carried Himura pasted us, his tiny body limp and caked with blood. I looked to Kaoru-san again, and placed my hand on her shoulder. "Kaoru-san... it will be okay," I reassured her. "If we believe in Himura, he will be all right."

She looked up to me; her teary eyes locked onto mine. A half smile formed on her lips, "Thank you, Misao-chan. I appreciate you trying to cheer me up."

I winked, "No problem Kaoru-san. What are friends for?"

It was only a few moments later when a voice behind me called, "Misao-chan?" I looked up to see Omasu-san standing over us. Her brow was covered in sweat from rushing around everywhere, trying to take care of the injured. Her pink kimono had various smudges of blood on them, and her sleeves, now rolled up to her elbows, were also speckled with a dark crimson fluid. The smile on her face was betraying, but reassuring at a time like this. "Misao-chan, can you do me a favor?"

Blinking in curiosity, I asked, "What is it Omasu-san?"

"Well," her hands fumbled in front of her. Even her hands were stained with blood. Himura had been more severely injured than I had thought. To think that man was actually defeated... "Himura-san is in need of a lot of care at that moment... and we don't really have all that many people to help. I mean, Sae-san is helping and all, but none of us can really take care of Sanosuke-san or.." she paused, eyeing me for a moment as she debated what to say, "Aoshi-sama."

I jumped up, ready to move. "You want me to go fetch a doctor? I can do that! I'll be right back!"

Omasu-san grabbed my braid and yanked me back hard before I could run off. "There's no sense in doing that, Misao-chan. Sanosuke-san is refusing medical care until Himura-san is taken care of."

"And what about Aoshi-sama?" I asked, insulted to the fact that Omasu-san didn't think that he was worthy of getting treated by a doctor.

A small smile formed on her lips. "That's why I came out here Misao-chan. Can you watch over Aoshi-sama until more help arrives for Himura-san?"

"More help?" I asked, blinking again.

"I was going to write Megumi-san," Kaoru said from behind me. My head whipped around as she continued, "She's a doctor over in Tokyo, and a friend of the both of us. She will take care of Kenshin."

"Aoshi-sama just needs some bandages tied around his wounds... Himura-san..." Omasu-san eyed Kaoru carefully, as she thought about her choice of words. Same old Omasu-san... always careful of people's feelings. "Needs more help."

Kaoru pushed herself off the floor, a small smile appearing on her face. "You go take care of Aoshi-san... I know how much you've missed him."

Beaming, I nodded to the two women. There was no use in arguing the two of them about something that I truly wanted to do anyway. Before I knew it, I was handed bandages, a small bowl of hot water and was sent away to Aoshi-sama's room.

The towering shoji doors stood tall over me. I swallowed hard as I stared at the off-white rice paper. Sometimes I really hated being so small- and this was one of those times. Everything that was associated with Aoshi-sama always seemed to be so towering. His doors, his figure.... My mind wondered about _other_ things Aoshi-sama might have that were "tall"... but I quickly reprimanded myself for musing about such a thing at that crucial time.

Without knocking, I opened the door to his room. It wasn't that I was trying to surprise him, or anything. Aoshi-sama had this un-canny skill of being able to sense who was standing outside of his room before he or she could knock; he had since I was young. Whenever I would come to his room, when I was younger, he would always hide from me- a game we used to play. I would search high and low for my Aoshi-sama, until I would find him, giggling like mad. If I couldn't find him, I would start to cry, and out Aoshi-sama would come out of his hiding spot, trying to silence my crying, telling me '_Aoshi-sama is here, don't worry Misao-chan.._' He always took care of me.

Now it was my turn to care of him.

With a shaky step, I walked into the room. He was sprawled out on the floor; lifeless. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought he was dead. True, he had walked the entire way back from Shishio's fortress, but a human body could only handle so much- like Himura. The both of them, along with the Rooster-head, needed to learn that they were only human. Hopefully, this run in would show them.

Aoshi-sama had collapsed soon after they arrived at the destroyed Aoi-ya. I think the impact of him seeing his home destroyed in such a way, partially due to his own actions, was too much for him to handle. Or, perhaps he was just exhausted, like Hiko had cynically pointed out after I began to bawl over the fallen Aoshi-sama. I somehow doubted it, though. Kuro and Shiro helped carry him back, as Yahiko and the Rooster-head helped drag Himura's unconscious body to the Shirobeko.

I gently lowered myself to the wood floor, placing the small bowl and towels next to me. My eyes locked onto his worn face. He looked so calm when he was asleep, the complete opposite as he had been when I saw him after his duel with Jiya a few days previous. The evil that swirled around his presence had disappeared. So, he truly had not become a monster, as Himura had predicted.

I should have been steaming with anger at the sight of him lying there alive. I should have wanted to rid the world of such an unstable man-- a man who almost killed one of my beloved. However, no matter now hard I tried to hate him, I couldn't. Although I did try. Not even after Jiya and Aoshi-sama's duel could I bring myself to hate him. My small infatuation with him had grown into something more over the pasted few years. I had fallen in love with the old Aoshi-sama, the one I had held so close in my heart. But after the duel, when he said those cruel words to me-- I knew that he wasn't the phantom of Aoshi-sama that I had grown to love during his absence.

Did I still love this man before me? He was no longer a phantom-- he was very real. His presence in my life most likely would crush all my illusions about him being prefect; my memories that I have treasured since childhood when Aoshi-sama could do no wrong would die. Watching his handsome face as he slept deeply, I decided that I did indeed still have feelings for him. Not for his perfections, but because I now saw that he had imperfections. Seeing Aoshi-sama in this state showed me that he wasn't at all perfect; giving texture to my ideas. Both of us had changed in the course of ten years. I was willing to learn about this new Aoshi-sama, to build onto my love for him. Yes I loved him. How could I have ever questioned that?

Unconsciously, I brushed my hand through his hair. A smile formed on my lips. His hair was still as soft as I remembered it to be. Before I realized what was doing, my hand slipped down to his chest, barely touching the gigantic wound that spread across it. My instincts told me that the wound had been received during the final fight with Shishio, as the Rooster-head had babbled something about Aoshi-sama helping fight that monster. But, as I looked closely at it, I realized that he was struck with the blunt side of a katana. _Himura did this...?_ I asked myself. Gently, my finger traced the raw skin around the wound, tears brimming in my eyes.

Suddenly, Aoshi-sama stirred. He let out a soft groan, making me jump slightly. I had not been expecting him to awaken. I quickly hid my hands behind my back as he opened his weary eyes. I did not want to be accused of touching him-- even though that was what I had been doing. "A-Aoshi-sama!" I stuttered while my voice faltered to a high squeak.

"Misao?" he breathlessly asked as he turned to me. The azure void of his eyes staring at me was enough to send shivers down my entire body. His voice melted me to the core. Unlike the last time I had seen him, I did not fear him... seeing the look of pure uncertainty on his face made him appear to be only human. I lusted for him, more than I ever did before.

Taking a deep breath in, I tried to control any urge I had at that moment. Instead, I grabbed the small towel that Omasu had provided, with my shaking hands and dipped it into the small bowl filled to the brim with cold water. "Shhhh...." I cooed as I placed the damp cloth on his forehead. "It's best that you don't talk right now, Aoshi-sama. Save your strength." I bit my lip as he closed his eyes, allowing me to place the cloth on his forehead. He looked so vulnerable like this. The younger part of me wanted to run away from his room, to never see this side of Aoshi-sama. The woman within me wanted to stay, to comfort him.

His hand slowly glided over to mine, grabbing my hand and squeezing it tightly.

I would stay.

"I'm... sorry..." he said, opening his eyes once more.

That was the first time I had ever heard Aoshi-sama apologize, at least to me. I clasped my other hand on top of his. "Please don't worry about that right now Aoshi-sama." _Please don't talk like you're about to die..._ I added silently. I couldn't bear to lose him again. He had finally returned after ten long years. I was going to make sure he stayed here. With me.

He let my hand go. Closing his eyes again, his chest slowly rose as he took in a deep breath of air. He flinched slightly as he did so. _The wound on his chest..._ my hand slowly re-traced it's previous path. It was hard for me to believe that he had suffered such a wound and survived. Many of his ribs must have been bruised, if not broken, from the impact. Taking the bandages in my right hand, I slowly ran my left hand through Aoshi-sama's hair again, "Aoshi-sama... I'm going to open your shirt now. I need to bandage it up... okay?" He nodded, wincing as I ripped open his shirt with both of my hands.

I gasped at the sight revealed. His gigantic chest was covered with multiple marks. Scars. Some were fresh, red with irritation and blood, while others were covered with white scabbed skin. Unable to stand it anymore, my tears began to flow freely. I didn't even know I was crying until I felt the hot sting of tears stream down my face. I collapsed on top of his chest, sobbing uncontrollably. "Why did you do this to yourself? Why, Aoshi-sama?"

I felt his abs tighten from under my face as he sat up very slowly. I felt his arms hold me close, in an odd type of hug. I froze for a moment, not expecting this physical contact. My head shot up, my tear-filled eyes locking onto his. "Aoshi-sama..." I mouthed, my voice not working at that moment. Being with him like this, shirtless and embracing me, was too tempting in my mind. I suddenly became very aware of how alone we were at that moment. My heart pounded in my throat as the air became very thick.

"I wanted to avenge them, Misao," he said, cupping my chin with his gigantic hand. "I wanted to avenge them more than anything... and so I traveled down a path that I should have not have. The path of chaos..." he turned his face away, staring at nothingness.

Freeing me of his grasp, his spell over me disappeared. I was once again aware of reality other than his being. He must have not known the tremendous power he had over me. After all, I was still a child in his eyes, wasn't I? I let out a loud sigh, straightening my posture. "Let me treat your wounds, Aoshi-sama." I scooted closer to him, my form towards his back. I was so close that I could see the light hairs on his scarred back. Locking my mind to the task at hand, I began to wrap the bandage around his entire body- starting at his lower back.

Silence filled the room as I did my task. I couldn't recall the last time that utter silence had made me feel so vulnerable. But there was no way to break the silence either. What was I to say to him? 'Thanks for not killing Jiya?' Not likely. I bit my lip, trying to force my mind to think of _something_ to say to him. Finally, in a soft whisper, I said, "I missed you."

He froze for a moment, if that was possible for Aoshi-sama to do. Had I caught him off-guard? Unexpected, yes. It was no secret when I was younger on how dear Aoshi-sama was to me. "What?" he asked, as if he had heard wrong.

I reached out my hand towards his back, freezing in mid motion, pondering if I should actually touch him, much less repeat what I had just said. "I..." my voice faulted. Not caring anymore on how he reacted, I let myself touch his back, my right hand moving the top of his right shoulder. "I said, I missed you."

Jerking his shoulder away, he denied me any contact with him. "No you didn't," he hissed sharply. His profile was facing me, the moonlight contrasting against his pale skin. Lowering his head in shame, he repeated, "No you didn't... You missed the man that I once was, Misao. The thing you see before you is a monster."

I turned away from him, unable to watch him in this destroyed state. "Is that why you told me to get out of your sight, Aoshi-sama?" I asked. "Is that why you said you never wanted to see me again?"

Pausing for a moment, his eyes grew and then shrank back into catatonic slits. "Yes," he replied, closing his eyes.

My hands were balled into fists, trembling against my thighs as I watched the floor, listening to him. Anger was building up in me. Was this the anger that I should have been feeling towards him? Why was it that it hadn't appeared until now? Before I knew it, I had stood up and stomped over to him. My emotions taking control of my body, the back of my right hand smacked against his right cheek. "You.... you selfish bastard!" I yelled. He remained looking down at the floor, doing everything possible to keep his eyes off of me.

Never had I been this mad at anyone in my life... and I couldn't even explain fully why I was so upset with Aoshi-sama. Yes, I was tired of having him blame everything on himself-- always locking his persona deep within himself. But not all of this anger that I felt pulsing through my veins could have been caused by only that, could it?

My emotions were still running rapid as I continued to yell, "Do you think that no one worries about you, Aoshi-sama? Huh? Do you think no one gives a damn about you?" I knelt down to him, my entire body still seething with anger. "Well I do, do you understand me?! I care!" Tears began to roll down my cheeks, sticking my face with their salty bite. "I care..." my voice turned into a sob as I began to cry fully. I covered my face with both of my hands, my body doubling over itself. I was such a fool. To be so weak in front of him... he must have thought me to be an absolute idiot.

Aoshi-sama remained silent as I cried. He didn't move to comfort me. He just stayed curled over, staring at the damned wooden floor. I couldn't bear to look at him any longer. The moonlight washing over his solemn face, making it seem as if he had come from somewhere other than earth-- like he was a god. The scars on the back ruined that illusion though, as they too were highlighted by the moonlight's caress. In fact, he didn't move at all. Finally, he spoke. "I don't deserve to be cared for, Misao. Not anymore."

I froze, raising my head a little. I turned my head towards him, staring at him in disbelief. "Aoshi-sama is Aoshi-sama," I said. "You still have the same soul, Aoshi-sama. You've just... changed." I dared to move closer to him, sliding my knees against the hard wood floor. I reached out to him again, cupping my hand under his cheek to get his attention. He didn't flinch, or push me away. I stared into his azure eyes for a moment. I then noticed how close I was to actually kissing him. And he was not moving to get away from me. I swallowed hard as my eyes locked onto his. Without realizing what I was saying, my heart blurted out, "I still love you."

His eyes flashed. Panic? Most likely. He pushed me away, turning his back to me. "Stop it Misao." I reached out to him again, but he jerked out of the way, "Please, get out."

"Aoshi-sama..."

"GET OUT!" he yelled. I flinched at the force in his voice. Then, taking a deep breath in, I stood up from the floor and began to make way towards the shoji doors, taking small steps.

I didn't want to leave... I wanted to stay. The last thing Aoshi-sama needed at that moment was to be alone.... again. Pausing at the door, I dared another look at him, from over my shoulder. He still sat, hunched over himself, surrounded in self-pity. Wrapping my arms tightly around myself, I mouthed the words, 'It's true' and then left the room.

He lived in silence for the following weeks. Walking back and forth from the Aoi-ya to the temple in complete solitude. It pained me to watch Aoshi-sama live in such a manner, but I was powerless to change anything. It was his life, after all.

But I never would give up hope that one day Aoshi-sama would emerge once more. Every night, I would watch the moonlight wash over the city of Kyoto... hoping, wishing, praying. He would recover, I knew it deep within my soul.

The light of the moon promised me that. 

Fin

This fiction was written for entertainment purposes only. The characters of Rurouni Kenshin belong to Watsuki-san. Standard disclaimers apply. 


End file.
